Navigating Seasonal Changes and Self-Reflection

..and just like clockwork as the leaves begin to fall, the days become darker and I find

myself also falling down a deep, dark treacherous hall. Just like Aunt Flo who smells a little weird, I hope that she doesn't stay too long. Could there be a piece of me who has just been waiting for her arrival? A reason to stay in bed, an excuse to not clean my house? Possibly. But as someone who is always "on" being turned "off", standing still, sitting quietly is abnormal for me. It doesn't feel right. Something is amiss.

Perhaps this is the time that I allow myself to feel sorry. To mourn the life that I thought I would live and yet so much is out of my control. That's hard for me. Not being in control. Comparison is a terrible disease and I have some bitterness for not being born into wealth or inheriting a business effortlessly on a silver platter. I will pity myself, for being without parents, for being responsible for a disabled sister, for not having a family that I once had. I think about the sibling for my child who was never born, all the times I've been passed over for promotions, perceived as too kind and lacking in any ability or talent. Depression has many arms and it will stretch to lure you in. Admittedly, these things are exaggerated, but they can produce emotions that overwhelm me, all at once and simultaneously when the weather turns cooler.

I know that I'm not alone and yet I am very grateful for this life. I just have to get past the midwestern dreary months until my long last summer reappears with sweaty pits and sticky thighs. How will I get through this until then? Well, here is my plan:

• Go outside: Even on the coldest days, I find that if I can get my butt outside for 20 minutes I feel energized, my mood is boosted, and catching some sunlight and fresh air soothes me.

• Use light therapy box: I have both white and red light that I use interchangeably. I find them helpful in regulating mood and sleep cycles.

• Stay active: Ideally, I strive for going to the gym everyday. Even if it is walking on the treadmill for 15 minutes, throwing some heavy weights around, or gently stretching it all helps me to release endorphins and helps me create a routine.

• Prioritize sleep routines: I try to go to bed and wake up at the same time, even on the weekends. Keeping a consistent sleep schedule, avoiding blue light before bed helps create a calming and predictable time for my body. I also use a sleep cocktail that has worked wonders!

• Eat a nutrient-dense diet: I like to eat and eat well. Focusing on food that nourish my body, like omega 3 rich foods, salmon, walnuts, flaxseeds and leafy greens. My body will crave high sugary comfort foods, but I always feel worse after indulging. If I fill up on these nutrient dense foods, I won't crave the junk!

• Take vitamins: Vitamin D is a crucial supplement, especially during the darker months when I may not be getting as much sunlight. Most people are deficient and this isn't a supplement that is going to hurt you if you get a little extra.

• Practice mindfulness and meditation: I spend a few minutes every day focusing on meditation, breathing and journaling. This helps lower stress levels and anxiety and uplift my mood and practice gratitude.

• Stay connected: As much as I want to stay away from people and isolate I know that interacting helps lift my spirits. Try to reach out and schedule a coffee date or lunch with a buddy. If you can find someone who will walk in the cold, even better! I will often get offended if I reach out to others and they do not accept my offer, so I have to be prepared that if I ask 4 people, I might find one person who will follow through. It's nothing personal, people are busy, but if you invite the same friend and she continuously flakes on you and doesn't reach back out to reschedule then you need to move on and make new friends. I will also meet with my therapist if there are things that I want to talk about that I'm not ready to share with others.

• Limit alcohol and caffeine: Both can affect my mood and sleep. I focus on drinking a ton of water (140+ ounces) and I love to hold a hot beverage like herbal tea.

• Embrace hobbies that bring joy: It is virtually impossible to dance without smiling! It is by far my favorite hobby but things like reading, knitting, baking, playing musical instruments, or doing something that makes you forget about looking at your phone every minute are also great.

• Plan something to look forward to: Schedule something fun to look forward to. It could be a massage, a weekend get-a-way, a day of self-care or choosing to seek out your favorite food or your favorite spot. Find small ways to lift your spirits and really relish them.

• Wear make up: It seems like a daunting task when you have zero energy and you feel like your body is filled with concrete, but there is something about applying eye makeup that makes me feel like I am preparing for battle and I am applying combat war paint to face my daunting day. Just try it!

• Find a project: I find the winter months a great time to pick up an online class, build something with my hands, plant an herb garden or do something distracting that holds my attention.

Let me know if any of these things resonate with you. Have you found something that works for you that is not on my list? Let me know what you think. Depression is real and it is a serious consequence of us not dealing with our emotions. If your depression persists or if you have any thoughts of suicide please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988. You can also reach them at 1-800-273-TALK. They provide free confidential support 24 hours a day for anyone in distress or crisis. All of that to say, it doesn't matter your circumstance, YOU MATTER and I want you on this earth for a very long time!